Where did my life go?

So, we are trying to make a routine for ourselves.  It is really hard.  We go to bed at like 11 p.m. and wake up at like noon, and we will end up only having slept for 7 and a half hours.  Feedings in the middle of the night take a lot of time.  She has been having a lot of gas pains, so we have to stay up with her while she is having them.  

I am really thankful that I have Travis here for a while.  I don't know if I could really do it alone at this point.  I probably just wouldn't eat.  It isn't complicated.  It is just draining.   I know it will get better; we are just waiting for that to happen.

Because of lack of sleep, seesawing hormones, and having no time for myself, I definitely have the baby blues.  I wouldn't say I have postpartum depression or anything, but I am a little crazy.  I was really happy in the hospital, but about two days after I got home, I started getting weepy, feeling anxious and overwhelmed, and feeling upset.  I really want it to go away, and I know it will go away within the month.  It just makes the whole experience a lot less enjoyable.  In the morning, once I am awake, I feel a lot happier, and I enjoy her. However, once I get tired, I sometimes feel really upset.  I won't go through everything I'm feeling, but it just is such a sharp contrast to how I felt those first couple days.  It upsets me.

I don't know what I expected to feel.  50-80% of women get the baby blues, and it resolves itself within the first few weeks.  I just wish I could feel happy all the time.  She is sweet and cute, and I know I love her.  I just don't feel it.  Particularly between the hours of 10pm and 7am....

It doesn't help that I have now become an obsessive neat freak.  Everything has to look great whenever I go to sleep. Yesterday, when she was sleeping, instead of sleeping or relaxing, I decided that I needed to organize my dresser and clean out my closet.

Yes, I might be losing my mind.  If you find it, please give it back to me.   I could really use it.

~Cara